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gunpowder is a powder which, when water is added and the mixture stirred, becomes a gun
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Godspeed Yodspeed! Blodspeed Odspeed

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oh one one eight nine nine nine eight eight one nine nine nine one one nine seven two five three

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“Detective Pikachu, you’re a loose cannon! Why the hell did you think it was ok to use Thunder Shock on that criminal’s nuts?”

*Pikachu takes a long drag on a cigarette*

“It’s super effective”

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laughing woman yeeting salad Show more

one of the many failings of the american education system: i assumed i'd have way more mondays off work than i actually do.

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do you ever stop for a moment to think about how much humanity progressed by at the exact instant salt-n-pepa's smash hit "push it" was completed

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I want my whole life to feel like switching from one sleeping position to the other and feeling the tension evaporate in your muscles

i went on a quasi-hiatus for the weekend and half the fediverse changed their display names

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it's too cold for this short skirt, good thing i have my looooong jacket!

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Elon Musk invented the Tesla because he was mad about the time someone stuck a banana in his car’s tailpipe

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The Halal Guys Hot Sauce for President, 2020.

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I like that "ebooks" is shorthand for a markov bot... based on horse_ebooks, which turned out to not be a bot at all.

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inspired by a misreading of a custom emoji

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[David Attenborough voiceover]

like a fly to honey, the ever-irritated New Englander is drawn to any mention of Dunkin Donuts, signaling its approach with a telltale call.

[I emerge from the bushes wearing a Patriots jacket and a Red Sox beanie, holding an empty foam Dunkin mug] DUNKS..? DUNKS?

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Oh No, My Rocks!

an elaborate time theft scheme disguised as a Mastodon instance